Day 19 isolation----

I spend large swaths of days lying side by side on the floor of her room with bambi as she screams with rage--at me, at jesse, at our apartment, at germs. We can hear the arm of her solar (or lamp as the day maybe) powered mew mew (lucky kitty) waving loudly, both urgent and soothing. At first only audible between wails, we gradually find both ourselves listening to it more than her--a compromised silence.

I'm better at writing about nothing. Like the loudly splatting rain while I press flatbread dough into the skillet for a very late dinner--I forgot to put the beans on till 4 something--even though I was home all day. Obviously.

I go back and forth thinking rainy days are easier. Less explaining to do. And longing to feel cold sun on my face, seeping through my jeans into my bones on the fire escape while she naps but feeling guilty because all she'll feel are the beams that taunt across the living room floor.